Slate: Tell me about the story’s climax, where Rob Gronkowski spikes a football into the heroine’s butt. Was that always the plan, or did that plot point sort of evolve naturally?
Noonan: It’s hard to remember exactly how it evolved. I think I just started writing it and let it go where it wanted to. I just started writing about a woman watching Gronkowski go berserk on TV. There wasn’t much plot to that, so then I added the husband. About the ending, though: I just felt the ending needed some “oomph.” It’s surreal, and just takes it to the level of impossible fantasy. I think I should also say that the ball doesn’t exactly go into her “butt.”
Slate: God, sorry. There is a fine distinction there.
Noonan: I remember reading about how Kafka didn’t want the “bug” on the cover of Metamorphosis. Gronk’s spike impacts in a mystical, non-physical realm of Leigh’s being. Although, quickly scanning my Word doc, I found that I wrote “between her butt-cheeks.” So, jury’s still out on that one.
Gronk will love this. Everyone will love this. Everyone loves a good Gronking.
Fantastic, there’s a woman writing under the pseudonym (fake name) Lacey Noonan, who wrote a 38-page erotica novel about Rob Gronkowski, it’s titled, fittingly, A Gronking to Remember: Book One in the Rob Gronkowski Erotica Series. According to her interview with Slate, she’s written a number of erotica novels, but this one seems to be her first Gronking.
This woman is clearly a rockstar of some sort, and although I don’t know what it takes to craft an erotica novel, let’s just give her the benefit of the doubt, and never look back – it’s the pioneering of this kind of material that counts, this is uncharted territory.
I’m almost positive – thanks to none other than Lacey Noonan – that “Gronking” will now explode into a wildly popular sexual phenomenon. I can’t know exactly what form it will take in the bedroom, or the end zone, or where ever; but it will take it by storm when it does.
Don’t be surprised when you square up to the urinal in your local pub, and the vent connected to the girl’s bathroom bellows a terrifyingly erotic Gronking tale that makes your stomach drop. “OH MY GOD, Ally, you havee to try Gronking!! It’s amaaaazing.” “I’ve heard! I wish Danny would, but he’s soo lame about that kind of stuff!” And then, two weeks later, you’re replaced by someone who gives a phenomenal Gronking, and you only have yourself to blame, and Lacey Noonan, and avant-garde erotica.
Please report to me on anything Gronking-related. We can’t let this die here…
“The jury’s still out.”