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Jeb! Bush Chirped France In The Most Jeb! Bush Way Possible

Jeb! Bush Chirped France In The Most Jeb! Bush Way Possible

I don’t hate Jeb Bush. I don’t even dislike him. He’s that guy in middle school who always sat at your table but never said anything, who always stood in your circle but never danced. He’s there, he exists, but he adds nothing. You have no reason to love him, but no reason to hate him. He just is.

It says everything you need to know about Jeb that his people decided he needs an exclamation point after his first name. Literally. An exclamation point

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Jeb, attacking Marco Rubio’s voting record during one of the GOP debates, picked on a common campaign doormat — France.

“The Senate, what is it like, a French work week?” Jeb said. “You get, like, three days where you have to show up?”

Hey France.. Boom, roasted!

 

Afterwards, once receiving some pushback and some offended French, Jeb said that, by equating the French work habits to Congress’ work habits, he offended the French.

“I really did a disservice to the French,” Jeb joked. “I now know that the average French work week is actually greater than the German work week.”

Okay Jeb, not bad. I get it. A little funny actually — Congress works even less than France. Haha. It’s funny cuz the French just vacation drinking wine and smoking European cigarettes all the time.

But then he got all Jeb!-ey on us, applauding the French for saving us from the Red Coats.

“So, my God, I totally insulted an entire country — our first ally — that helped us become free as a nation! And I apologize. That did a huge disservice to France. It didn’t really get to the magnitude of the problem: Three-day work week.”

Here we have classic Jeb trying to please everyone, yet offending more people. He’s trying to please the French, but chirping the British for when the French helped us upset the shit out of the Red Coats. He’s trying to please the global-knowledge voters by saying he now knows the French work more than the Germans — obviously the Germans aren’t going to like that.

Here’s where Jeb and The Donald differ dramatically. Donald Trump would just double down on offending everyone. And not care. French? Lazy, they never work. Germans? Who cares, they work even less than the French. Mexicans? They’re rapists.

The Donald would just post this video then move onto the next issue. Meanwhile, Jeb! keeps pretzeling himself with every comment.

“Well have a nap… then fire zee missiles!”

 

Cover Photo

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