Why are elevators so awkward?

Ah, elevators. Probably unanimously the most awkward part of society. Oh boy, do we hate getting caught in elevators mano e mano with a stranger. Elevators are the only part of society that haven’t been modernized or technologically supplemented. You get in, see the other person, and from that moment on, time stands still. Cue the tension. Cue the internal panic:

“Ok, only a couple floors don’t worry. Jeez this is taking forever. I should say something, right? I should say something. No, don’t say anything, just cough. Cough, then clear your throat. Cough, then clear your throat, then itch your neck. You should be at your floor by then. Still not there? God this is a slow elevator. Every elevator goes so slow. I think that they’re the slowest things on earth. All of them. Ok, just say something. But what could I possibly say to this person? I just need something. Anything. Maybe I drop my wallet on the floor, and then strike up a conversation about gravity?”

That’s the best I’ve come up with so far in life. And if either person checks their phone, it’s not because they need to. There’s no cell phone service in there. Remember, it’s one of the only places above ground where there is consistently no service. Is someone just toying with all of us? So don’t check your phone. We all know it’s just a buffer. Even if you do have service. You’re not kidding anyone. But what did people do before technology in awkward situations in elevators? Just stare at their hands? Just kidding, they made conversation. But conversing is a dying art in these technologically advancing times. The elevator is basically a time machine that we can’t handle.

It’s the only place where you see people, and for some reason, small talk is not encouraged. But oddly enough, if we think about it, there’s legitimately no better place in the world to have a conversation with someone. You’re trapped in a silent box with another human being. No disturbances. No noise. Again, one of the only places where there is constantly no cell phone service. No external factors whatsoever. A vertically moving vacuum. But nope. You just stare at that palate of silver with some numbers on it. Or you lean up against the wall and read the authorization sticker, pretending like it’s interesting.

But then if another person comes in? PHEW. Thank God. The only salvation until your departure.

What an interesting place.

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